How to Help Someone With Addiction: What Actually Works

When Someone You Love Is Struggling

You’ve noticed the signs. Maybe it started small—missed family dinners, strange mood swings, money going missing. Or maybe it hit you all at once: finding pills that aren’t theirs, discovering they’ve been lying for months, or getting a call from the hospital after an overdose.

Either way, you’re scared. You’re angry. You feel helpless. And you’re wondering: What do I actually do?

If you’re reading this, you already know that addiction isn’t just “making bad choices” or “lacking willpower.” According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), addiction is a chronic brain disease that changes how a person’s brain works. When you try to help someone, you’re not just fighting their choices—you’re fighting a physiological hijack of their brain’s reward system.

But here’s the good news: You can help. Your support matters more than you might think. This guide will show you what actually works, based on research from the CDC and NIDA, plus insights from over 1,000 real families who’ve been through this journey.

Why “Just Stop” Isn’t How Addiction Works

One family member shared their frustration:

“After three years of searching for the right support for my daughter, I can confidently say that finding a team with genuine care made all the difference. It wasn’t just about the addiction; it was about learning how to talk to each other again.”

Here’s what’s actually happening in your loved one’s brain:

The Science Behind Addiction

Drugs flood the brain with dopamine—creating a reward signal that’s significantly stronger than natural rewards like food, sex, or spending time with loved ones. Over time, the brain adapts by reducing its ability to respond to anything except the drug.

• Loss of Self-Control: Long-term use erodes the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for judgment and decision-making. This is why your loved one may genuinely want to quit but find themselves physically unable to resist intense urges.
• Relapse Is Normal: Relapse rates for addiction are similar to other chronic diseases like diabetes or asthma (40-60% relapse within first year). Relapse doesn’t mean treatment failed—it means the treatment plan needs adjustment.

Your loved one isn’t choosing addiction over you. Their brain has been changed by the disease.

The 7 Stages People Go Through (And How to Help at Each One)

Stage 1: Denial

What They’re Thinking: “I don’t have a problem. I can stop anytime.”

What Actually Helps:

• Don’t argue about whether they have a problem
• Share specific observations without judgment: “I’ve noticed you’ve been missing work” instead of “You’re ruining your life”
• Set boundaries: “I love you, but I can’t give you money anymore”

What Doesn’t Help:

• Lecturing or shaming
• Making threats you won’t follow through on
• Enabling the behavior (giving money, making excuses)

Stage 2: Recognition

What They’re Thinking: “Maybe I do have a problem, but I can handle it myself.”

What Actually Helps:

• Celebrate this awareness: “I’m proud of you for recognizing this”
• Offer to research treatment options together
• Share stories of people who’ve recovered

What Doesn’t Help:

• Pushing them to enter treatment before they’re ready
• Getting frustrated if they’re not moving fast enough

Stage 3: Planning

What They’re Thinking: “I need help. But where do I even start?”

What Actually Helps:

• Help them make calls to treatment centers
• Offer to go with them to appointments
• Help with logistics (insurance, childcare, time off work)

What Doesn’t Help:

• Taking over completely (they need to stay involved)
• Rushing them into the first program you find

Stage 4: Taking Action

What They’re Thinking: “I’m scared, but I’m doing this.”

What Actually Helps:

• Show up: drive them to treatment, help them pack
• Express belief in them: “You can do this”
• Stay in touch during treatment (if facility allows)

What Doesn’t Help:

• Abandoning them once they’re in treatment
• Expecting immediate change

Stage 5: Early Recovery

What They’re Thinking: “This is harder than I thought. Maybe I made a mistake.”

What Actually Helps:

• Attend family therapy sessions if offered
• Learn about addiction yourself
• Create a safe, substance-free environment at home

What Doesn’t Help:

• Testing their sobriety with drugs/alcohol around
• Bringing up past mistakes constantly

Stage 6: Maintenance

What They’re Thinking: “I’m doing okay, but I’m still fragile.”

What Actually Helps:

• Encourage ongoing therapy and support groups
• Celebrate milestones (30 days, 90 days, 1 year)
• Help them build a new life with new activities

What Doesn’t Help:

• Assuming they’re “cured” and don’t need support
• Relaxing boundaries too quickly

Stage 7: Relapse (If It Happens)

What They’re Thinking: “I failed. I’m never going to get better.”

What Actually Helps:

• Remind them: relapse is part of recovery, not the end
• Help them get back into treatment immediately
• Don’t shame or punish

What Doesn’t Help:

• Giving up on them
• “I told you so” attitudes
• Cutting them off completely

The Questions That Keep You Up at Night

“Should I Do an Intervention?”

Interventions can work, but they’re risky if not done right. Research shows professionally-led interventions have a 90% success rate of getting someone into treatment, while family-led interventions without professional help often backfire.

If you’re considering an intervention:

• Hire a professional interventionist
• Plan carefully with the whole family
• Have treatment arranged before the intervention
• Be prepared for any reaction

Consider alternatives first:

• One-on-one conversations when they’re sober
• CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) approach
• Consulting with an addiction specialist for guidance

“Am I Enabling Them?”

This is one of the hardest questions families face. Here’s the difference:

Enabling (Hurts Recovery):

• Giving them money (they’ll likely use it for drugs)
• Making excuses for them to employers, family, courts
• Protecting them from consequences
• Letting them live with you while actively using (in most cases)

Supporting (Helps Recovery):

• Offering to pay directly for treatment
• Driving them to appointments
• Attending family therapy
• Providing housing IF they’re in treatment and staying sober

One mother explained it this way: “The hardest thing I ever did was tell my son he couldn’t live with me anymore while he was using. But it was also the best thing. He hit bottom two weeks later and finally asked for help.”

“What Do I Say to Them?”

Use “I” statements, not “you” accusations:

Instead of: “You’re destroying this family with your drug use.”
Try: “I feel scared and helpless watching you struggle. I love you and I want to help you get treatment.”

Instead of: “You need to get help right now.”
Try: “I found some treatment options. Would you be willing to look at them with me?”

Instead of: “You’re being selfish.”
Try: “I miss the person you were before addiction took over. I know that person is still in there.”

The Questions That Keep You Up at Night

Based on analysis of 1,000+ real patient reviews, not all centers provide high-quality care. Use this checklist during your first call to a facility:

• Staff Qualifications: “Will my loved one be seen by licensed therapists (LCSW/LMFT) daily, or is care managed by unlicensed staff?”
• Communication Rights: “What is your policy on family phone calls? Can I stay updated on their progress?”
• Evidence-Based Care: “Do you provide Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) for opioid addiction, or are you abstinence-only?”
• Family Involvement: “Do you offer family therapy? How often?”
• Financial Transparency: “Can you provide written Verification of Benefits showing exact out-of-pocket costs before we admit?”
• Aftercare Planning: “What ongoing support do you provide after the 30/60/90 days?”
• Success Rates: “Do you track patients long-term? What percentage maintain sobriety at 1 year?”

What Real Families Say Works

From our analysis of 1,000+ reviews, here’s what families who successfully helped their loved ones had in common:

“They didn’t just fix my daughter. They taught us how to communicate again. How to listen. How to be a family. We learned as much as she did.” – Father of recovered patient

“Finding staff who genuinely cared made all the difference. Not just going through the motions, but people who remembered her story and checked in months after discharge.” – Mother

“The best thing we did was go to Al-Anon for ourselves. We needed healing too.” – Spouse

Common Success Factors:

• Family therapy participation
• Long-term commitment (not giving up after first relapse)
• Support groups for family members (Al-Anon)
• Professional guidance
• Patience through multiple attempts

Taking Care of Yourself

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Families who maintain their own wellbeing are better equipped to help their loved one long-term.

Essential Self-Care:

• Join a support group (Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, SMART Recovery Family & Friends)
• Consider therapy for yourself
• Set boundaries and stick to them
• Don’t isolate yourself
• Remember: their recovery is not your responsibility

One spouse shared: “I had to learn that I couldn’t save him. He had to save himself. But I could show up, set boundaries, and take care of myself. That’s what eventually made the difference.”

Resources You Can Use Right Now

For Immediate Crisis:

• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (Free, confidential, 24/7)
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• Overdose Emergency: Call 911 immediately

For Families:

• Al-Anon (for families of alcoholics)
• Nar-Anon (for families of drug users)
• Partnership to End Addiction
• SMART Recovery Family & Friends: smartrecovery.org

To Find Treatment:

• SAMHSA Treatment Locator
• Mycelia Monastery: Schedule a consultation for personalized guidance

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does treatment take?
Minimum 30 days for residential, but 90+ days shows significantly better outcomes. Recovery is lifelong.

What if they refuse treatment?
You can’t force an adult into treatment (except court-ordered). Focus on boundaries, support, and staying ready for when they’re ready.

How much does treatment cost?
$10,000-$30,000/month for residential. Most insurance covers addiction treatment. We can help navigate costs.

Should I tell other family members?
Yes. Addiction thrives in secrecy. The whole family needs to be on the same page about boundaries and support.

What if they relapse?
Relapse is common (40-60% in first year). It doesn’t mean failure. Get them back into treatment immediately and don’t give up.

Final Thoughts: Love Is Not Enough, But It Matters

Here’s the truth no one wants to hear: You cannot save them. They have to save themselves.

But here’s the other truth: Your love, support, and boundaries can create the conditions where recovery becomes possible.

A recovered patient wrote: “My family didn’t give up on me, even when I’d given up on myself. They set boundaries, showed up to family therapy, and were waiting with open arms when I was ready. I’m 5 years sober now. Their support didn’t save me, but it gave me a reason to save myself.”

You are not powerless. You can:

• Learn about addiction
• Set healthy boundaries
• Find quality treatment
• Show up consistently
• Take care of yourself
• Never give up hope

And remember: Recovery is possible. Thousands of families have walked this path before you. You’re not alone.

Continue Learning

• Addiction Treatment Centers: Complete Guide
• Best Substance Abuse Treatment Centers
• Opiate Addiction Treatment

Mycelia Monastery helps families navigate addiction treatment and provides ongoing support for both the person struggling and their loved ones. We are not a treatment facility. All medical treatment is provided by licensed third-party facilities.